Asking for Help vs. Complaining

Had an enlightening meeting this week. And I had some thoughts about myself and how I communicate as a result. This is just sort of my thoughts in “draft” form resulting from the meeting.

I am the type of person who will fill in the gap when others are slacking. I will go out of my way to make sure things get done right. And I try my hardest to teach people along the way. I do love teaching. However, I can get to a point where I've just had it. I don't have the capacity to fill the "gap" anymore. When this happens, I have done what I thought was escalating the problem to the appropriate person in order to get help.

However, I have not been communicating my need for help. My words are coming across as complaining when what I really intend to say is, “I've tried everything, now I need help”. A definition of communication that I have posted at my desk is, “Communication is two or more individuals sharing and understanding and idea.” It is clear now that I have not been communicating well because my idea is not being shared or understood by others. So I thought about how I could be a better communicator. Here is what I came up with for me.

In order to better communicate issues that I have that need additional help or attention, I need to:

1. Be sure to actually communicate the specific issue to the appropriate person.
2. Explain the nature of the issue and the length of time the issue has remained outstanding.
3. Share how I have attempted to resolve the issue.
4. Share the results of the attempted resolutions.
5. And finally actually ask for help… and be specific about what kind of help I need.

I’m going to try to be better about communicating when I need help.

Life Really IS an Oil Painting

Have you ever watched an oil painter paint?
Not many people have.
And most would find it extremely boring.
I’ll admit, I really hadn’t watched someone paint oil until this summer.

But today sitting in a planning meeting with my coworkers, my experience of watching an incredible painter paint oil overwhelmed my thoughts.

I’m an accountant by trade. My tendency is to try to define everything with lines, boundaries, rules and limitations. In my meeting we were attempting to do just that with the tasks that need to be accomplished in my department.

Life can’t be defined, lined, ruled, limited or boundaried. Things change, we accidentally mess up, minds get changed, circumstances evolve, nothing stays the same. And so when Hyatt Moore painted oil in his “Loosen Up” workshop, he stressed to just go with it. Things can always be made into other things. With oil you can completely change a painting from something that doesn’t even closely resemble the end to the end just by painting more layers of oil. And the more layers the more depth.

Isn’t this life. It starts looking like one thing and then more layers, color, depth and changes in light and perspective can completely alter the end result creating more beauty than may have been imagined from the get go.

Here is one of the paintings I watched Moore transform… Red Dress Sun Hat.

It is Never Too Late To Change

"Max Dupree said, 'In the end, it is important to remember that we cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.' It's a fact that when you're through changing, you're through."(1)

I hope I never become too comfortable with who I am right now, that I don't embrace the opportunities to change in order to become the person I was created to be.


(1)from "Developing the Leader Within You", by John Maxwell.

People Never Forget

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou

Asking for Permission = Building Trust

How important is asking for permission anyway?

I mean we’ve all heard the old saying that goes something like,
“It is better to ask for forgiveness than permission.”
And I have certainly followed this “guidance” on many occasions.

What does asking for and waiting to receive permission gain you?
True, you risk not getting permission and therefore not getting to accomplish your agenda.

But what impact does it have on your relationships?

Today I was reminded of how asking for and waiting to receive permission impacts relationships. Think of a time that someone borrowed something from you without asking. How did you feel toward that person? I know a tinge of mistrust would rise inside me toward that person. Now think of a time you did not ask your parents’ permission to do something. Do you think their trust in you increased or decreased?

Trust is one thing you can find in strong, lasting relationships.
Deep down relationships are more important to me than accomplishing my agenda.
So why would I do something that chips away at the trust someone has in me?

I think asking for AND then waiting to be granted permission is a very important aspect of building and maintaining trust in relationships. To say it another way, not asking for permission negatively impacts the trust people have in you.

I hope to become more conscious about asking for permission and waiting for the response instead of just doing what I want in hopes I will be forgiven.

My heart

I want to:
Bring good news to the afflicted;
Comfort the brokenhearted,
Proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners;
Proclaim the victory and justice of our God;
Comfort all who mourn,
Provide for those who grieve, to give them:
Flowers instead of ashes,
The spirit of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of despair
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
The planting of God, that He may be glorified.

From Isaiah 61: 1-3

When To Quit

How do you know when to quit?

Is there any situation in life where it is easy to know when to quit?
I mean it might be easy for one person to know when to quit drinking, but not easy for another. Or it might be easy for me to know when to stop running, but my dog Lucy doesn't know when to quit fetching when we play ball to prevent over heating (I have to stop her).

Do you know when to quit?

What about knowing when to quit going down a path that you've thought is the right path for a long time but now you are starting to question if it is still the right path?

I have a hard time making U turns. It means quitting the direction I was going to try another. What if the original direction was the right direction?

When is a journey hard because its the wrong journey?
When is a journey hard because it's the right journey and you are supposed to grow through it?
How can you tell the difference between these two kinds of hard?